All I Want For Christmas Is You
by Shinsun
Summary: It's Christmas Eve, and Kagami is doing everything he can to make sure the night is perfect for himself and Aomine, who has been his fiancée for a year that night, and who he has been with and loved for almost eight years. At first, everything goes just as planned, but when the past catches up to him, Kagami can't keep up the charade of Christmas cheer any longer.


Kagami couldn't keep from humming as he moved about the kitchen, stirring a pot of this, sampling a little of that, stopping now and then to turn down a burner or add some spice. The simple rhythm and methodical motions of cooking were soothing, relaxing, and he even caught himself swaying leisurely to the strains of jingling, festive music emanating from the radio across the room. If Aomine had seen him like this, he would likely have teased him relentlessly and never let him live it down, and he allowed himself a ruefully fond smile, thinking about it. It was a special occasion, so the whole apartment was full of the smells of all of his fiancée's favorite foods; sweet and savory and salty mixing together into an intoxicating blend that made his stomach squirm and growl with anticipation. But of course, tucking into the various extravagant dishes he had been slaving over for the past hour and a half would have to wait. There were still errands left to be run in order for tonight to be perfect.

Once everything was finished, he took off the apron Aomine had gotten for him on their first anniversary (dark blue, of course, with an embroidered, chibi tiger in a chef's hat on the front. He had scowled at the overly-cutesy design and refused to wear something so demeaning at the time, but after being together for almost eight years, now he used it every single time he cooked, without fail) and snapped down the lids on the numerous plastic containers he had filled to the brim with delicious-smelling food, grabbing his jacket and keys before stacking the dishes on top of each other and preparing to head out.

It had been snowing since early that morning, but by now the heavy fall had dwindled to only a light dusting of white flakes, and his breath clouded before him, mixing with the steam from the containers of food warming his hands as he made his way over to the car, the snow deep enough to almost cover his boots and reach his shins. Aomine would probably be ticked off; he'd always hated the snow and ice and anything else that came with the cold, and seemed to turn sluggish and even more lazy than usual in winter. Kagami himself didn't mind it too much; he even saw it as a bit of a novelty, seeing as he hadn't been able to experience it during his time in the States, when he was still young enough to romp around in the white stuff and make snowmen and such. In fact, one such snowy sentinel was stationed on the frozen lawn outside the apartment complex that very day, and if any of his neighbours had found the image of a six-foot-three, grown-ass redheaded man hard at work building a snowman odd, they hadn't outwardly shown it. Kagami could just picture Aomine's exasperated smirk, which might have turned to actual laughter if he noticed the dark blue buttons that had been used for eyes, or that the snowman happened to be wearing Kagami's best rendition of his trademark shit-eating grin, and one of his old hats, which he had left in Kagami's house ages ago and never bothered to get back.

Setting the Tupperware containers of Christmas dinner and several other items in the passenger seat, Kagami turned his key in the ignition and carefully pulled out of the apartment parking lot, navigating the cramped, snow-strangled streets as his windshield wipers ticked to and fro, keeping his view of the rosy glow of brightly lit trees and houses decked out in the spirit of the season unobscured. Searching out a familiar little store amid the various shops covered with snow like so many heavily-frosted cakes, he pulled up to park and shuffled inside, letting out a deep breath as the doorbell jingled and he was promptly hit in the face with a wave of warmth and the thick, heavenly smell of chocolate. Bustling all around the sweet shop were frantic patrons, all scrambling for last-minute desserts and stocking-stuffers for the holiday that was suddenly upon them. Kagami sighed, fancying that he might have been the calmest person in the place, in no particular rush himself. He still had plenty of time, and even if Aomine's dinner got a little cold by the time he brought it to him, it would be worth it to present him with the decadent, chocolate truffles he knew the other man was especially partial towards. Besides, he'd called ahead.

From behind a counter overflowing with colorful candies and numerous paper decorations, one tall, lazy cashier with long purple hair tied back in a ponytail scrutinized him absently.

"Kaga-chin…" Murasakibara greeted him, in his familiar, nasally drawl, "Neh, you're late."

"Not yet," Kagami argued halfheartedly, "I've still got time. Is it ready yet?"

"Mhm," Bending down behind the register, Murasakibara set a box wrapped in elegant paper and tied up neatly with a bow on the counter, "Going to see Mine-chin?"

Kagami nodded, searching in the pockets of his jeans for his wallet as Murasakibara rang up his order.

"Tell him Merry Christmas for me, 'kay?" The candy-loving giant asked, placing the box in a large plastic bag with a level of care he only reserved for sweets.

"Sure thing," Kagami shrugged, fishing out the appropriate amount and handing it to him, before taking the bag and heading out of the store, the chime of the doorbell cheerily announcing his departure, but he still had one more stop to make.

The bookstore wasn't as crowded, but like the candy shop, Kagami felt like he was thawing as he stepped through the revolving door, as the blustery conditions outside were swept away by soothing, artificial heat. It was hushed inside, with only a few meandering customers flipping through heavy, cloth-bound novels and glossy magazines. On a mission, Kagami immediately found the familiar shelf and thumbed through a row of sports magazines, looking for the most recent issue, only to find it completely sold out.

"I told you to come to the front desk," a calm, quiet voice spoke, from directly next to him. He jumped.

"Geh, Kuroko!" he hissed, arms flailing wildly, "Make a noise or something, you wanna give me a fucking heart attack?"

"I am supposed to be quiet," Kuroko said matter-of-factly, "This is a library."

"It's a bookstore," Kagami corrected him, his heart rate gradually returning to normal. He knew Kuroko would rather have been a librarian than work in any sort of retail, but a job here was as close as he could get. Even so, that didn't give him the right to get all high-and-mighty about the fact that he spent the majority of his day around nerdy students and bookworms.

"Hm," Kuroko muttered, averting his impassive blue eyes, "In any case, I wondered when you'd be by, Kagami-kun. I might have known you'd be late, as always. It's almost closing time, you know."

"I'm not _always_ late," Kagami protested, with only a teasing jab of irritation in his voice, turning away from the shelf of magazines to face him.

Kuroko glanced up at him, and a knowing look passed between them, "Of course. But Aomine-kun has been a terrible influence on your punctuality, just the same."

Kagami shrugged in silent agreement, and fell in step beside his friend as Kuroko led him to the front of the store.

"I kept a copy in reserve for you, when you mentioned your plans for tonight," the shorter man murmured, "It's a very popular issue, I'm surprised you thought it would stay on the shelf."

Sheepishly, Kagami reached up a hand to rub the back of his neck, "Thanks Kuroko, you're the best."

Kuroko nodded as he stepped behind the front desk, disappearing from sight for a moment as he crouched down, "It is the least I can do for you…and Aomine-kun." When he reappeared, the magazine in question was in his hand, which he delicately placed on the counter, before punching a few buttons deftly on the register, and Kagami saw him discreetly slip a receipt between its sleek pages. "Be sure to give it a read yourself, at some point."

Kagami opened his mouth to protest when it became clear to him what Kuroko had done, but then closed it again. He supposed he had as much right to give Aomine a meaningful Christmas present as Kagami did, even if it meant paying for the coveted magazine in his stead.

"Thanks," he said again, taking the magazine after Kuroko dropped it into a bag for him, and as he turned to go, Kuroko called after him.

"Merry Christmas, Kagami-kun. Tell Aomine-kun the same, for me…and that I'm sorry I haven't been by to see him."

Almost unconsciously, Kagami's hand went to his neck, closing on the chain that hung around it between the folds of his jacket, and he swallowed and inclined his head assent. "Okay."

After closing the car door and starting up the engine, Kagami glanced at the accumulation of gifts in the passenger seat beside him, and then reached over to turn on the radio, starting down the street toward a familiar destination with the cheery melodies of timeless Christmas songs ringing merrily in his ears.

Out of all his stops tonight, this one was the most deserted. The snow had finally stopped, but it was still bitterly cold as he stepped out of his car once again, and traversed around to the other side of it to collect his elaborate array of presents. And then he was heading up the walkway, which hadn't yet been shoveled, fresh snow crunching under his feet as he approached the looming front gate, adorned with seasonal, but rather solemn wreaths. The lights here were all plain white, as well, coiled around the branches of the numerous trees and strung along the tall metal fence that surrounded the cemetery.

Slowly weaving between the rows of headstones, Kagami kept his head bowed respectfully, his feet running almost on autopilot as they carried him to the one he sought. It was small and humble, cleaner than many of its neighbours, but not at all glamorous. Because although he had been in the army for several years, Aomine did not die a war hero.

It had happened almost a month after he'd returned from his service overseas, when he'd impulsively tried to stop a robber escaping a jewelry store – likely thinking he could handle one fleeing, unarmed man with all his extensive military training – only to be promptly shot in the back by the criminal's partner, lying in wait just outside the door. He'd bled out right there in the snow, in front of the jewelry store, exactly a year ago tonight…on Christmas Eve.

Kagami let out a slow, vaporous breath and sank to his knees, Aomine's dog tags, which had long ago replaced Tatsuya's ring around his neck, clinking together as he bent over, almost kissing the ground as he bowed to his fallen fiancée, who hadn't lived to see the engagement Kagami still observed in his absence. He had been holding the ring, after all, clutched in a velvet box with all its romantic wrappings, in his hand even after it turned cold and limp and lifeless. The ring that would have sealed his and Kagami's future together if he hadn't taken a bullet shortly after buying it; the ring that Kagami wore on his left hand to this day, a promise for what almost was, but would never come to pass now.

"I know, I know," Kagami said softly, the thickly whispered words misting in the freezing air before him, "I'm late. But I brought your favorite…well, everything, so you don't get to complain."

So saying, he unrolled the blanket he had brought with him on the ground, crossed his legs and sat down on it, disregarding the crunch and coldness of the snow, and started to unveil the first of his treasures. Opening two of the plastic containers filled to the brim with homemade curry teriyaki, he placed one in front of Aomine's headstone, and cradled the other in his lap, retrieving a pair of chopsticks from the pile of offerings he'd brought.

"Thanks for the food," he murmured, almost imagining he could hear the blessing echoed in Aomine's low, smooth voice before he started to eat.

Sitting there in the snow, on his makeshift picnic blanket in the mostly-empty cemetery, Kagami still put up every effort to make the meal a celebration, setting out the rest of the steaming dishes of food and lighting the pair of festive red candles he'd brought, telling his fiancée between bites of curry and sashimi about his day, about the game he and his team had won the week before, about the crazy procrastinating patrons he'd seen in the candy shop tonight. Aomine, of course, was still and silent as the snow, a better listener in death than he had ever been in life, but Kagami talked enough for both of them, gesturing animatedly with his chopsticks and laughing at the parts of his stories he thought Aomine would have found stupid or funny, until the last grain of rice had disappeared from his bowl, and the candles had started to accumulate glistening pools of melted wax as they burned down.

"…And Murasakibara finally got his dream job," he was saying with a smirk, as he pulled the box of chocolates he'd purchased from its bag, setting it between them, "He gets to spend all day surrounded by candy; must be a slice of freakin' heaven for him. Anyway, I know these are your favorite…why don't we share them?"

Gently untying the decorative bow, he peeled away the colorful paper and opened the box, revealing a tray positively crammed with elegant, dark chocolate truffles, of every shape and size. A few of them, Kagami noticed, were even shaped like little basketballs, and he couldn't hold back a smile at Murasakibara's subtle thoughtfulness. Placing one of the chocolates in his mouth, he reached for his second gift, pausing for a moment to breathe a soft sound of appreciation as the rich, sweet confection started to melt.

"Okay, these are really good, you win," he grinned, lifting the brand new sports magazine from its protective packaging next, "I got this for you. Hokkaido's in this issue…you were going to try to play for them after you were discharged, remember? Maybe we could have played against each other, one day…given the people a show; imagine – a real, professional game with both of us in the Zone, wouldn't that be awesome?"

He trailed off, slowly, idly flipping through the magazine without even looking at the gorgeous, full-color pages, "…I haven't…been able to reach it at all this year. The Zone, I mean…it's almost like I've forgotten how. I can't focus that hard and get totally wrapped up in the game anymore…"

He paused, as he landed on the page in which Kuroko had placed the receipt. There was something else there, a slip of paper covered in his slender, meticulous handwriting. Picking up the note hesitantly, Kagami skimmed over it quickly with his eyes, before stopping and going back to the beginning when he realized what he was reading. Wetting his lips, he started to read it aloud, though the message fell on deaf ears, and to his own his voice sounded thin and rather unsteady.

"Aomine-kun…I never got the chance to thank you for everything you've done…for me, for Kagami-kun, even for yourself, you came so far in the last few years, but what stands out the most is how much brighter your smile had become, how much brighter…you've made everyone else's…we're all s-so proud of you, and how brave and selfless you were…I myself have never been prouder to be considered your friend, and I'm sorry I was too late to tell you that when you still could have heard it. It's been a year since…since your untimely…" Kagami swallowed past the knot that had formed in his throat and pressed on, "…but we all still keep you alive in our hearts…Kagami-kun especially…" He faltered a moment, reaching up to hurriedly swipe at his wettening eyes before any moisture could fall on the pristine magazine open in his lap, "Y-you would be so proud to see how he's doing, how he's been carrying on, even in your absence…h-he's been smiling again, and really meaning it, and he still talks about you like you just left the room, after all this time…it's obvious how much…h-how much he loved you, how much he still loves you; I believe you were both very fortunate, to know each other and share that love for the length of time you did. And I was also privileged to know you, and be a part of your life, however short but sweet it was. …Merry Christmas, Aomine-kun, and thank you, for everything. …Kuroko Tetsuya."

Letting the short letter flutter back into his lap, Kagami carefully closed the magazine, unable to stop the tears now coursing down his cheeks in earnest. Covering his eyes with a hand, he wrapped the other, achingly gentle, around the thin metal tags resting against his chest, and for the first time tonight, but certainly not the first or the last time this year, or even this week, he broke down; streams of tears falling unchecked from his eyes, dripping from his chin as harsh, wrenching sobs wracked his throat and chest. Hanging his head, all but curling in on himself, he simply cried himself out, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his forehead against them as he bawled like a child, tightening his fist in his shirt over his clenching, screaming heart as if he could tear out the pain and grief. He was alone. Alone and devastated, rocking himself slowly as he wept uncontrollably before the grave of his dead lover, the light of his life that had long since gone dark and quiet. He remembered receiving a jangling, joyful text message, just hours before he was made aware of his fiancée's fate, of his body gone cold and still, face-down in the snow soaked red with his own blood.

 _Be home in ten, is dinner ready? I love you!_

When the bout of visceral, spasming sobs finally subsided, he was left aching and exhausted, sniffling against his own knees, eyes reddened and puffy and still leaking stray tears. When he looked up, it had gotten darker, partially because the candles he'd laid out had been extinguished by the wind, while he was numb to everything but the hole that had made its home in his chest, and hadn't shrunk at all this past year. Taking a slow, deep, trembling breath, then another, he tried to get ahold of himself. Then he rose to his knees and leaned over to place a light kiss on the cool, smooth stone before him, caked with a thick layer of snow which he gently, fondly brushed away with his sleeve.

"Merry Christmas, Aomine…" he said, voice still hoarse and choked, but warm and soft with enduring love. Then, gathering together the majority of what he'd brought with him, leaving the candles, Kuroko's letter, and a few of Murasakibara's chocolates, he got stiffly to his feet and turned to go. And as he retracing his own footprints back to where he'd parked his car, it almost seemed like there were two separate sets intertwining, as if two men with the same size shoe had left the snowy cemetery together.

Fin

((I know…I'm the worst. First of all, I'm writing an AoKaga Christmas fic in freaking November. And second…I have to go and do this with it. This is my all-time favorite Christmas song, and I don't know what incited me to do something really angsty with it, but that's kind of just what happened here. And I stayed up the whole goddamn night finishing this thing because I enjoyed writing it that much.

Thank you for reading, feedback would be much appreciated.

-Shinsun))


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